It’s the week before San Diego Comic Con and the best and the worst of the entertainment business is all congregating in America’s Sunniest City for four days of world-class cosplay, chasing con exclusives and exploring San Diego’s eclectic taco scene.
But the same creative urges that can lead someone to plaster an entire high rise office building with an advert for a movie or tv-show, also appeals to the scumbags of society and so a moderately large #ReleaseTheSnyderCut barrage of bus and local advertising has blossomed up, like so many daisies from a big, moist cow patty.
#ReleaseTheSnyderCut is an online movement from basement-dwelling neckbeards who are upset that Joss Whedon recut Zach Snyder’s nearly-completed JUSTICE LEAGUE movie. Snyder had shot 90% of the original movie, slathering it with thick layers of open disgust for superheroes, long shots of moping Batman and enough reckless pedestrian murder to make “Grand Theft Auto” look like an episode of “Leave it to Beaver”. Warner Brothers, after conducting a lackluster press onslaught to try and convince understandably wary moviegoers, burnt by the charbroiled, growling flailings of “Batman V Superman: A Dawn Of a Corporately Mandated New Day of Justice (League)” that their new movie “was just as good as an MCU movie” realized the mistake of giving Snyder a THIRD superhero movie to ruin, jettisoned him (ahem, he resigned after a terrible tragedy – no jokes for that here) and threw a tanker truck full of money at Joss Whedon to “Fix it! Please God, Fix It!”
So Whedon shot a bunch of new stuff. He got stuck with rubberface Superman because Tom Cruise had legal authority over Henry Cavill’s upper lip, changed the night scenes to a red sky, peppered it with the patented Whedon snappy banter and generally made JUSTICE LEAGUE marginally better, given the footage he had in the can. The movie was still pretty terrible, though. Even drunk, I couldn’t contain my rage.
As Whedon said, himself, in the opening credits of the film, “I Tried.”
Shortly after release of the film, though, rumors began circulating that there was enough footage from Snyder’s shoots to assemble a “watchable” “JUSTICE LEAGUE” film. I guess some people didn’t get enough random murder and carnage in the final film and wanted more.
And Thus was the #ReleaseTheSnyderCut campaign born. From a lethal mix of flow sweat, testosterone, idle online time and the barking jeers of Boys Who Touch Themselves Too Often, a new religion was born. And those same knuckledraggers are out in full-force, this week, in an effort to draw unwary citizens to their crusade with a series of billboards, bus wraps and street advertisement. “Gaze upon my Truth, Bored Bus Traveler and Know My Terrible Burden.”
They want the SnyderCut and they want it now.
I hope Warner Brothers issued a definitive “NO” and the trend of outraged fans demanding ridiculous things suffers another deep cut. Lord spare me from Entitled Fans.
But hey, I’m not one to miss a chance to jump on a trend. #ReleaseTheSnyderCut is trending heavily on Twitter, right now. I want some of that sweet, sweet, electronic love, baby! And if a SnyderCut of Justice League is giving those neckbeards a big boner, wait until they see what I’ve got in store for them.
I started my online campaign with this simple and innocent tweet:
If Justice League would be so much improved by more SnyderMurder and SnyderMayhem, then imagine how much better the 1954 musical and Academy Award nominee would be! “Kidnapped and Chased” would be a wild ride with some automatic gunfire in there! “Go Get im’ Adam!” RATTA-TATTA-TATTA-TAT!
I posted that yesterday and to date, no response from Warner Brothers. (COWARDS!!!)
So, I flung open the gates of Hell and requested a bazillion other SnyderCuts of films that could and should be improved by Snyder re-edits. Observe!
As of this printing, I’ve yet to receive a response from Warner Brothers on my many, many requests for releases that are as unnecessary and as pointless as the SnyderCut of Justice League. But if I hear back from them, I’ll be sure to post an update, below. Fingers crossed!
